Our Vital Need for Spiritual Intimacy
This article is part of our continuing series on practicing community. If you’d like to access the earlier parts, click here.
Deep Relationality at the Heart of Evolution
Practicing Community – Part Nine
“You can go no further alone.”
This was the phrase I heard at a turning point of my spiritual journey, at the great shift from individuality into the call to deeper community.
The ironic thing is that I had been living in an intentional community and had long pursued various forms of church expressions, small groups, and spiritual friendships. “What do you mean?” I thought, “I have sought community my whole life!”
But I knew. It was the mystical journey that had reached the end of its isolation. The unfolding and awakening could no longer be something that only I experienced inside myself—for I had begun to come into the experiential knowing that these interior realities were not confined to my individual space. They could no longer be felt and engaged with apart from the dynamic and lively field of interbeing, of interconnection, of WeSpace.
A new intimacy was beckoning beyond the realm of myself, beyond the external forms of commonality that brought me together with others, beyond just the sharing of ideas and ideals.
It is the call of mystical love.
What do we mean when we talk about mystical love and spiritual intimacy?
“There is almost a sensual longing for communion with others who have a large vision. The immense fulfillment of the friendship between those engaged in furthering the evolution of consciousness has a quality impossible to describe.”
– Teilhard de Chardin
The call of love is an invitation to intimacy, to closeness. We have probably experienced this in our lives mostly through attraction to particular individuals. There is something about them that we feel drawn toward and want to come closer with. Our culture tells us the primary (or only) channel for this sort of intimacy is romantic.
But we can also discover the invitation into spiritual intimacy, into a closeness of heart and soul which has its own attraction. It is non-sexual intimacy that moves with the energy of eros not toward physical consummation, but into the generative co-creation of mystical life and love. Of spirit alive and dynamic in our midst.
While this may happen with a sole individual, it is rarely limited to that singular expression. Spiritual intimacy does not find its power in its exclusivity, in its privileged and reserved attention, but through its outflow and inter-participation in community. It is not precious because it is hidden and select, but because it creates fields of generativity through which spirit comes alive in our midst.
So while there are particular persons we may grow into closeness with—of course there are—the intimacy is with and through spirit as a way of being expressing in and through ourselves and others. It is not bound to one specific partner or held by only a select few.
This is the divine dance, the perichoresis of an evolving trinity, of which we are intimately intertwined in our relationship with the three faces of God. As we live from our divine participation in the inner face of God-Being-Us together with others doing the same, we enter the divine field in our midst and are invited into the communal dance.
Dancing is an expression of intimacy in joy. And in the flow we give ourselves to the movement in our midst, to the rhythm of the music, taking hands with those who come to join in the dance together.
Can I Open to Intimacy?
Many on the mystical journey are lonely and isolated in their experience. They do not have anyone they can share openly and deeply about what they experience, let alone participate in the dance of divine reality together with others.
It may be that we’ve spent so long walking the path alone that we have become wary of sharing the journey. We have become accustomed to the safety and tranquility or satisfied with the lack of stress or tension community can bring.
Many of us fear intimacy. We may be hesitant to share our deeper spiritual experience, afraid of others not understanding, worried about judgement or rejection. There are all sorts of ways we can hide from or torpedo intimacy in our lives—spiritual intimacy included.
The first movement is to get on the dance floor, to overcome the inclination to stay on the sideline. Spiritually, we can do this in a number of ways, remaining a “free agent” or a passive member—listening to the music but not joining in the dance.
One way that we do this is to become dance judges, to evaluate from the outskirts and critique. We may even pick a favorite dancer to watch (read) over and over, admiring how they do it. Another way is to become “experts,” reading all about various types of dances, studying the great dancers of the past, and engaging in numerous conversations about dancing. Or we may dance in the privacy of our own room, but unwilling to let ourselves be seen or share in the movement with others.
These are some of the ways we avoid intimacy because it requires vulnerability. It calls us to go deeper than the persona of our spiritual ego and be with others in our authentic self, beyond our ideas and beliefs and into more genuine presence. It means being seen in our woundings and limitations. And yet, something within beckons us toward this way of being.
When we take that step out of the mystical closet, we can begin to taste the delight of sharing hearts and experiences with mutual resonance among us. We can feel the draw of intimacy as the dance begins, discovering the relief and joy of being a part of the flow, of coming to be more fully present in our divine self, our divine reality, our mystical being with others.
Navigating Intimacy in Spiritual Community
The invitation to the dance is always reciprocal. It does not substantiate into a lasting, embodied reality unless we embrace authentic mutuality. For at first, we may just be in the delight of fuller self-expression and personal freedom—which is significant! But we do not stay or fixate on this self-referential receiving, what we get out of it, how it feels for me to dance.
This can be very difficult in a consumer society, where so much emphasis is placed on our needs and longings. True intimacy always requires degrees of giving, loss, and selflessness. We cannot treat intimacy like a personal service, but have to learn to let it shift us into the embodied mutuality of interbeing, where we find our own self-giving and altruism is actually a net gain in the elusive math of mystical love.
But it’s not always easy to navigate the give-and-take of intimacy, as it is in any relationship. As we deepen into closeness with others, we will experience strong feelings and bonding perhaps in ways we haven’t before. We will have to practice trust while also being aware and willing to set boundaries (or have them be set on us). We will have to communicate our needs clearly as we are able. We’ll need to give in ways that honor ourselves and the others—without over-attachment or over-giving. We’ll experience pain and wounding, as is always a part of love and deep connection.
In other words, we’ll have to navigate with love and awareness through the dynamics of relationships. In many ways, it’s a lot easier to just sit and meditate by yourself.
This is difficult work, but to embrace it is to claim the preciousness it reveals. To deny it is to turn our backs on the deeper and truer nature of things. That we exist in community and that our participation in deeper spiritual realities will always bring us into communion—for in truth we are not separate, individual beings.
And we can no longer live our private spiritual lives under this illusion of separation. Not just because it isn’t the full truth, but our survival as a species may well depend on it.
The Onus of Spiritual Intimacy – Becoming Generative
A group of people, with highly developed skills would fall short of collective wisdom, unless they were successful in also cultivating collective intimacy…‘a group of wise people tethered through intimacy is the most powerful problem solving system in the universe!’” –Bonnitta Roy
It is a great thing to feel the delight and comfort of mystical love, to dwell in the bliss of deep spiritual intimacy and let it nurture our being. When we discover this depth of spiritual community, we often experience deep healing and restoration in ways we didn’t even know we needed. We can and should welcome and enjoy this balm to our lonely souls.
And—it is not just for us.
This deep relationality, which is more in tune with the reality of the fundamental nature of things, brings us into a way of being that will be foundational for our survival. It is an antidote to the polarizing isolation and division of hyper-individualism that is so predominant today, that sets us against one another. This zero-sum game of competition is disempowered when we experientially know and operate on the same team, in our interbeing, from the same source.
When we come into this way of being, we can experience this wider intimacy in the general relational field—and that unites us in the common body of God, which we’ll explore more next week.
In the closer circles, we come into the intimacy that longs to be generative, to create together. In romantic eros, making love is often a creative act—biologically or otherwise. In evolutionary eros, we are coming into the cascading creativity that overflows from spirit consciousness arising in our midst.
It is the surge of vitality and life that emerges with creative force. For we cannot afford to just remain in the delight of our own connection. The world needs more from us. The energy of our intimacy will call it forth. And our intimacy will tether us through.
Intimacy should not be taken lightly. The myth of our individualism assumes that we can remain in control. While we do not give up our uniqueness in intimacy, we are stepping into what feels like a sort of loss of autonomy—to a degree. But it is really more of an expansion of our being in ways we cannot now know. Just like any relationship, we are stepping with trust into the unknown from the invitation and call of deeper love.
It is serious business, but it is also playful. Let us not forget we are playing beautiful music together. And the music and dance together are our expressions of life that bring healing, transformation, and loving evolution.
Our WeSpace groups are gathered with the intention and design to cultivate this intimacy, to share in creative spiritual community and authentic connection, to co-create together a field of mystical love, to play beautiful music and dance in reverie and joy.
New groups for 2023 are starting in the next weeks—enroll today to join in this spiritual intimacy with others in this evolving path of love together.
Click here for more information about enrollment:
Practicing Community:
What would it look like for you to take the next step toward deeper spiritual intimacy with someone you trust or with a community you are in? Open to taking that step with vulnerability.
Are there any ways you need to be healthier in navigating spiritual intimacy? Any boundaries you need to set or reconciliation to be made? Discern inwardly or perhaps with others and respond to that wisdom.
What generative creativity might be emerging from your intimate community? Begin to ask what spirit might be calling forth in your midst.